Relationship Labels

Whether it’s a relationship at work, with partners, or children, we often find ourselves labelling others.

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Whether it’s a relationship at work, with partners, or children, we often find ourselves labelling others. It might be, ‘they’re the lazy one’, or ‘that manager is aggressive’.

NLP gives us insights into these types of behaviours and how we can change our perspective to build better relationships.

The labels we give people are often based on a few experiences, or perceptions passed on from others. Sometimes a single negative interaction can be enough. Labels can be unhelpful, getting in the way of forming a good relationship with someone, or repairing a poor one.

Once we give someone a label, we look out for what we expect, rather than what we see. If someone you labelled as ‘manipulative’ gave you a gift, your immediate reaction might be that they were trying to manipulate you, rather than it being a kind gesture. This makes it difficult to see them through a different lens, can be stressful and create negative emotions.

People are not their behaviours. The experiences which have formed our views do not define their identity, purely how they are responding in a particular circumstance.

Equally, every behaviour has a positive intention. The person is doing what they believe to be the best response to a given situation.

To change our view, we need to get into their shoes and see it from their perspective.

Under what extreme circumstances would you behave in the same way? Although the scenarios might be extreme, it is likely that you will be able to find some. Once you have, what would be a more accurate label for the person, based on how they might see the situation?

This can help us to think about and behave differently towards them, resulting in a different behaviour from them and the beginnings of an improvement in the relationship.

Jo Uff
Jo Uff (member article)

I help women to reignite their interest in life, supporting them to feel excited about the future and achieve the changes they want to make