This is not a ‘happily ever after’ story – at least not yet!

The challenge

Z met her husband at work. They married and had two boys.

When the boys were three and five, her husband had an affair with a work colleague and left Z and the boys - to live with his new partner.

After two years, his new partner asked him to leave, and he returned to his wife and children.

Their relationship never recovered, the couple argued often and had been living increasingly separate lives in the ‘family home’ for six years.

Z often withdrew to her bedroom where she found the ‘peace’ she craved.

Because it was ‘not too bad', she’d tolerated the situation, mostly for the sake of the boys.

Relationship counselling had not worked for Z or for her husband, and they had abandoned it by mutual consent.

The effect

Z felt that she was losing her ‘spark’, hated the arguments at home, and was worried about their effect on the boys.

Her husband often seemed depressed, yet unwilling to talk about their situation, or to take any action.

He said that he would never move out of the home again.

Yet he was ‘a good dad’ who spent most of his weekend time involved with the boys and their common interest in football.

The boys both commented on their parent’s arguments and expressed their wishes that Mum and Dad would stop rowing.

Solution

Z signed up for ‘Personal Strategy Complex Issue’ from my website. That is six-nine hours of support.

The work is in three stages:

• The first stage is the Personal Strategy Audit, which I provided - and Z completed this in her own time before our meeting.

• The second involved six hours of one to one time - face-to-face - over two consecutive days. 

• We monitored progress after this work, with three hours of calls over the next eight weeks.

I worked with your Z’s thinking process, the stories she told herself, how she valued herself, her ambitions, and her sense of personal power.

My objective was to sort out and separate the interwoven strands of her complex issue so she could see it clearly, understand her position, find a way forward, and take action.

Z liked her neighbourhood and her supportive local friends.

The boys’ schools were working out well.

She enjoyed her job.

She did not want the ‘story’ to be that she had ‘left her boys’.

Together, we were realistic and practical. Z left Bristol agreeing to follow up on a number of different ideas.

She no longer saw the situation as either ‘staying’ or ‘going’.

Result

Z started with researching rented accommodation (just for herself) in her immediate neighbourhood.

At the same time, her husband agreed to investigate mortgaging and re-mortgaging with a financial advisor, doing this together, based on both their individual and combined salaries.

Z was surprised that he agreed to do this.

Six months later, they have agreed on a Loft Conversion, providing separate living spaces for each of them, yet remaining under one roof.

Both are satisfied, the arguments have reduced, and Z is much happier.

This is not a ‘happily ever after’ story – at least not yet!

But I think we bottomed out the issues and found something that will work at least until the boys leave home.