Using NLP to Help High-functioning Autistic Children Explore Change

I am a Family Relationship and Parenting Coach, using NLP to help families become fully functional, with a specialism in Neuro-Divergency.

There is a school of thought that believes NLP is not accessible for the Autistic community because NLP encourages flexible thinking, updating our belief system and changing the narrative, things which the Autistic brain is not wired to do. However, in my practice I have woven in some very accessible elements through trial and error, one of which I will focus on here.

Children generally cope change best when they are prepared for it in advance. This is even more important when a child is Autistic. Life milestones, such as starting school, the arrival of a new sibling, a divorce, a death, or a change of home, can be very challenging for a child who struggles with transitions on a daily basis. Yet throw into the mix the last two years, where it’s been impossible to prepare for change in advance. To parent, teach, mentor or coach an Autistic child, it’s fundamental to understand the uniqueness of the Autistic experience for them. So it’s really important, not to use a “generalised” filter or a neuro-typical assumption that change is possible.

One barrier for an Autistic child to participate in the world without anxiety is the hard-wired challenge with transitions, change and often demands (either explicit or implicit). From parent’s feedback about my coaching, one of the most useful concepts of using NLP to help increase connection through understanding their child’s challenges hasn’t been from reading a book about Autism, but it’s come from increasing their awareness of Meta Models,

I talk to children and parents about Meta models and ask them what helps them feel safe and secure. The preferred meta models identified through my experience of working within Autism are:

“different” is threatening to an Autistic child, they need “sameness” to feel safe. This is much more than staying within a mental comfort zone.

“small chunk” communication in bitesize steps is essential due to auditory processing difficulties

“Move away from” is common due to the high levels of anxiety an autistic child experiences, in conjunction with forming negative script patterns that there is something wrong with them

So one of the ways to help Autistic children feel that change is not “dangerous” is to use metaphor as a reframe:

Often Autistic children are very visually led and respond really well to talking about something “external”, but not abstract, because internal reflection, organising thoughts or verbalising thoughts is so difficult. So drawing pictures and using a Metaphor to explore “difference” and using curious language, such as “I wonder if”, “Imagine if” is non-threatening.

The art of using NLP is not in the flexibility of the client (Child) but in the practitioner's flexibility to meet the client in their map of the world and, from there to pace and lead. Utilising the Meta Model in your approach can be very helpful.