Resolving Workplace Conflicts with NLP Techniques

The challenge

The client, a HR manager in an IT startup, is the oldest employee in a young, friendly environment that she loves. However, after a tense meeting where she was overly strict, she ended up in conflict with a close colleague. She felt guilty, frustrated, and believed the workplace camaraderie was broken. She was upset with her colleague, herself, and even the situation itself, convinced that things could never go back to how they were before.

The effect

She was highly distressed, constantly overthinking what had happened, and feeling deep regret. She kept replaying the situation, criticizing herself, yet couldn't find a way to fix it. Overtly generalising, she feared the friendly startup culture had been permanently damaged and saw resentment as the only option left. She had tried reasoning with herself but couldn't escape the emotional turmoil.

Solution

First, I used kinesthetic anchoring to calm her down and shift her state. Once she was more relaxed, I guided her through Perceptual Positions, having her first experience the situation from her own perspective, then from her colleague’s, and finally from a neutral third-party viewpoint.

To integrate a meta-position, I asked her to visualize the situation from a distant, high-up perspective, zooming out until she and her colleague appeared as tiny dots. This shift in perception made her realize: "This wasn’t even a real conflict! There was no problem at all!"

This breakthrough moment completely changed her mindset.

Immediately after the exercise, she laughed and said, "Oh! Now I get what I should’ve done!" Instanly future pacing, she reenacted the new scenario in the same way she reconstructed the situation, this time adding humor and playfulness, then imagined how her colleague would respond positively. She was thrilled that she could use humor to prevent future misunderstandings.

Result

She later reported that she frequently applied this technique in various situations. Interestingly, while she insisted that anchoring hadn’t been effective, she repeatedly rubbed her fingertips together—an unconscious use of the very conditioning technique she claimed didn't work!